19/02/2010

So i get to spend one precious night with my Fiance... One night without his son being here... And where am I?

In my bedroom, on my bed.... Alone... yes... alone.

Why?

Because he has started smoking again. And I have been unaware for the last 5 days that he has been puffing away.

Im so angry at him.Im so dissapointed at him... and I feel betrayed. Because I got engaged to him under the pretext that he wasnt going to smoke ever again.

He never really does smoke... he just has these phases when he does. and I catch him out get hurt cause he lied to me and then he promises to quit again.

Im just tired and was looking forward to spending a lovely night with my fiance alone... and now I cant even go near him cause he stinks.....

I hate the smell of tabacco, it reminds me of my father, who I love, but he stinks and it reminds me of every bad memory I have of my childhood.

And its not something you really wanna be reminded of when you kiss your partner....

He wasnt a smoker when I started dating him. And about 3 weeks into our relationship he was having a coffee and lit up a cigarette, And i told him if he smoked that I was leaving, and that I didnt want to date a smoker. And he smoked it cause he didnt like being told what to do, so I left.

Thats where he first promised not to smoke again. Then there were countless times when he could take it back up again and then i would have a fight with him and then he would give it up again. The cycle of smoking.

anyway.... Theres my ramble... ive lost 18 kilos as of this morning YAY!


My Quote:
Goals are the fuel in the furnace of achievement


My Goal:
25kilos lost before the 30th June (19 weeks), I have lost 3 of those Kilos