FIRST OFF -
I need to publicly admit that I have previously set goals for myself that I have NOT achieved... I am not at 85 and its way past the end of the year... Im not at 85 and its past my birthday... Ok... but thats ok... thats in the past.
OK, Now:
A Lot can change in 8 months -
I broke up with my Fiance - Kicked him out of the house.
I got a new job which I love!
Im keeping the house.
and, I have some new friends and have gotten in touch with some old ones.
What hasnt really changed??? Well my weight =(
While I am down about 10 kilos which is good - it isnt great.
I have reached the amount of weight that the lap band is supposed to help you with - so I am a lap band success story! yay!
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In summary to all the above - I have made the decision that I want to loose 20 kilos - I dont have my ex as a sabotager anymore - its just me.
I need to focus on me - make me a priority.
Ive gone back on Optifast - im not doing intensive cause thats too hard lol Im doing transitional. I think Ill do that to about 15 kilos - then re-evaluate my goal - if I want to loose more than 5 more kilos ill continue, if not Ill go down to maitenance slowly.
Breaking up with Luke - was in all honesty - the best thing I have ever done - I can re-focus on me - re-evaluate my life, my goals and really think - is this what I want - and the answer now is yes. Before I was scared of change - now Im loving it... everything in my life needs to change - its not good enough how it is. Sure some things are great - I have a great job, i have a house, car... I have beautiful friends who support me and who are coming back to me after I basically ditched them for 3 years. Im also seeing someone - but Thats nots not defining my happiness and im not defining what he is or where it is going - its just fun.
My life is fun.... and when I sit back and think about it... I ONLY have 20 kilos to loose... then im done - thats it... its over - no more... no more dieting (except to loose the 1 or 2 kilos that sneak back on)... no more avoiding stores because they wont hold my size clothing.... no more of that crap... I know theres a shit load of mental crap that I need to deal with - and thats why im trying to get back into blogging to help myself deal with it all - but physically - I have 20 kilos left to go... ill be happy with the number 78. Im over the moon im below 100 kilos... funny thing is that 2 weeks after Luke left - I got under 100. Something I have wanted for ages... but he hasnt wanted because that would mean im lighter than him.
the focus now is not to think - oh ive lost 42 kilos... thats so great! go me! its to be like, ok... you've lost 42 kilos.. you only have 20 more to go.... make these last kilos count so you really feel like you deserve it, like your worth it.
Now I need to go drink another bottle of water and have my last fruit serve...
yay for me lol.
